Nick and I settled into Sacred Heart for the long haul. Considering I was 26 weeks and there had been discussion of c section at 37 weeks, I figured I was there for the next 11 weeks. It was daunting to think about but I would do whatever was necessary for Zoey. We spent most of our day watching whatever cable shows we could, crocheting beanies for the NICU babies, laying in bed hooked up to all sorts of machines. Nick would play his games and I would read. We developed a routine that helped us cope with all the uncertainty and nerves. My parents arrived 2 days after my water broke. They had waited to see if Zoey was coming then and what our next steps were going to be. Then hit the road. Luckily for me, they had let everyone know that needed to be informed. That was one less stress that I didn’t have to worry about. I was already worried about the day that Nick would have to report back to work. It was comforting. My family had rallied and we were going to make it. Zoey was going to be ok.
The drs ordered all sorts of bloodwork and a daily ultrasound. And I had monitors on my belly monitoring Zoey 24/7. Many times I was woken up by nurses telling me that I had to change positions because they lost Zoey on the monitors. Seriously I had to ask permission to unhook to go to the bathroom. And ugh, the bloodwork. I have deep rolling veins so I am HORRIBLE to get blood from. There were multiple attempts in different locations for every test. I’m pretty sure the techs passed over my name so they didn’t have to work with me.
It was during one my daily ultrasounds that things changed. I had actually gotten to leave the room and travel to the ultrasound tech. Every other time an ultrasound machine was brought to me. I was enjoying my road trip. When you don’t even have a window in your room, hospital walls are an amazing vacation. I was literally waving at people and saying “Hello” as we rolled down the hall. So I was actually in amazing spirits. I was getting to see my beautiful baby. We had made it to 28 weeks (28+4). It was a great day. I did realize that this tech wasn’t very talkative but some weren’t. Afterwards, I got rolled back to the room and settled in for lunch. For real, I was pregnant and had delayed lunch. I was hungry.
It was as I was settling back in that my nurse walked in. I thought it was weird because she told me she was about to get off work. But hey, she was probably there just to get me hooked back up. She walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and said “I just want you to know they are coming”. Excuse me, who is coming?! Before I was even able to find out who was coming my room filled with nurses. I swear that every nurse that was on duty came into my room. I was being switched to a different bed, my gown was removed, I was unplugged from every machine, and we were rolling out. I had time just to look at Nick, say his name, and he said “It will be ok. I will be here when you and Zoey are done.” Being pushed through the hall was surreal. I remember the lights in the ceiling going by at a fast speed. The sound of the wheels on the floor. All of it became background to my thoughts.
No this wasn’t happening. We were going to make it to February (2 days). We were going to make it longer. She wasn’t coming today. This was not happening. And for the first time I thought that one of us was going to die. I began praying that it was me. Praying that no matter what, she survive. I mean I said I didn’t want to go but if one of us had to, let it be me. I kept praying as we rolled into the operating room. I heard them paging the dr for a second time. The room filled with more people than I had seen the entire time I was there. The God awful huge light was focused on me and I felt like I was in a horrible movie. My arms were spread out and strapped down. I was completely immobile. And I remember my nurse grabbing my hand. I told her “You are supposed to be off.” I remember she said “I know. But I’m here and I will be here with you through it all.” I told her I was scared. She told me she knew but Zoey’s umbilical cord had started reverse pumping so it was take her or loose her. I then turned my head back to look at the light, tears streaming down my face, and went to sleep.